I really don’t have time for any of this! Literally, it took the doctor a couple of attempts before I agreed to leave work and go ” discuss” my cancer diagnosis. I guess you could say I was in shock, or maybe my apprehension was my way of making the news less terrifying. Or maybe it was both.
It is only the beginning of December, and despite my ability to remember every detail of everything that ever happens (just ask Patrick), I lump July, August and September into one signature phrase: “well, I don’t know yet I have to wait.” Wait for an ultra sound, a biopsy, a MRI, another biopsy, then a double mastectomy, and finally a lympth node dissection. After all of that they say to me, “Well, you’re lucky, because after 52 weeks of chemo and anti-therapy treatment you should never hear from this again.”
I guess God has a funny sense of humor because there is nothing more ironic than feeling beautiful in your picture perfect wedding dress, then wondering whether the scars from my surgeries will be the only thing people see, followed by the immediate rush of fear of not being strong enough to make it to August 25th 2018 at all.
Not to worry, I have already decided I’ll make it.
I am so sure of it that I just ordered our Save the Dates. In fact, I even ordered extra– for all the beautiful people who have been and continue to be so supportive of me and Patrick. I simply could not imagine our day without them. I’ll be the first one to tell you, you’ll see us through this. The doctor was right, I am lucky. I have the most beautiful family and am surrounded by friends who would take this on for me if they could. Not to mention my best bubba, Gus, who is trying to cuddle my sickness away. So– no, cancer, I don’t have time for you, but since you’re here I’ll make the time to lose you because I know….the best is yet to come.
Thank you for your time, love, support and prayers. I couldn’t be more grateful for you. xoxo